Hi everyone! My name is Arcia. I am originally from McComb, MS, and graduated from Southern Miss. Here is my UGLY truth.

Throughout my life, I struggle with acceptance and belonging. I always wanted to fit in. I would see these groups of girls or groups of friends who seemed so close-knit. They attended events together, had slumber parties, a group message, etc. I wanted to experience that for myself. Growing up like an only child (siblings are much older), I wanted a group to feel I belonged somewhere.  Throughout my time in high school, I was not considered cool enough for the popular crowd or nerdy for the super-smart kids. I was an overachiever, made excellent grades, but still did not feel like I belonged anywhere. This feeling carried on throughout college. I wanted to take girl trips, have a shopping crew, etc. However, trying to find where I fit never worked out. During my junior year of college, I remember thinking I found a group of girls who accepted me. We had a group message, and I asked for advice about skin care products and routines. The advice I received was to “have good skin.” There were other things, but that one sticks out the most. I laugh at it now, but at that time, it hurt my feelings. I began to feel as though I was the problem. I also found myself in several situations where the friendship/relationship would be one-sided. I love to support others and celebrate the success of others, but during that time in my life, I was doing it for the hope of being accepted.

Around 23/24 years old, I made a conscious effort to no longer be concerned about who accepted me, rejected me, what group I belonged to, etc. I paid more attention to myself and what I liked to do. It took several rounds of being rejected by groups of females, being secretly kicked out of group messages, being left out of invites until I had to realize that maybe I was not meant to fit in. I learned more about my personality type. I took more interest in things that I enjoy, even if I had to enjoy them alone. More importantly, I focused on my relationship with God. Even if no one else accepted me, I know God accepts me and everything that comes with me. I began journaling and expressing my fears,  truths, goals and writing it as though I was having a conversation with God. I still hold on to that journal because it shows how far I’ve come. God had to show me that He didn’t create me to fit in. He wants me to be able to stand alone and march to the beat of my drum. If you’re struggling with acceptance and belonging, God may be trying to show you the same thing. I wish that I realized this sooner.  I could’ve been living for myself and not others at an earlier age. However, the journey was completely worth it because now I have peace.

Yes, I currently have a few close friends. We’re not in one big group. Each of my close friends has other friends, even if I’m not close with their other friends. I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m happy, and I love them because I know it’s a genuine friendship. Sometimes I  find myself having those thoughts of wanting to be accepted by others, but I instantly re-wire my thinking.  I still support others whether I know them or not and don’t expect anything out of it. I genuinely want to see others win. I welcome those God wants to send into my life, but I allow it to happen naturally. I don’t force, beg, or try to be anything other than myself. Here are some final words of encouragement: you are worthy, accepted, and loved by God.

Signed With Love,

                        Arcia